don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
