a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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