Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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