i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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