Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
