my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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