Do you still have your period?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
