The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I supernannyed him into submission
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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