I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I looked at my own cervix.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
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her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
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My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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