Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
