What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
