he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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