Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
