I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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