I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
