yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
