I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
