She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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