i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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