my vag is so smooth its legendary
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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