I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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