that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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