quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
