i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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