I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
