Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
