Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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