My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
