Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
