The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
