Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.