The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
