There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
