Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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