An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
