wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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