i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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