I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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