you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
