This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
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