i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
