I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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