she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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