We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
