Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We need to get me chipped asap
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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