I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
