you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
