I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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