My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
