Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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