im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
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Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
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If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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