Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
