I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
