How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
