yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
