He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
