If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
