You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
