i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
