There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
