pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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