he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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