I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
