Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
