I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
