i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
