so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Let's get the cat blown out
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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