No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
