We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
