dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
