My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
