The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
