from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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