it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
