i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
