Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
