I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
